Alice Walker - The Colour Purple

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Alice Walker - The Color PurpleYou better not never tell nobody but God. It'd kill your mammy.Dear God,I am fourteen years old. I-aa I have always been a good girl. Maybe you can give me a sign letting me know what ishappening to me.Last spring after little Lucious come I heard them fussing. He was pulling on her arm. She say It too soon, Fonso,I ain't well.Finally he leave her alone. A week go by, he pulling on her arm again. She say Naw, I ain't gonna. Can't you seeI'm already half dead, an all of these children.She went to visit her sister doctor over Macon. Left me to see after the others. He never had a kine word to sayto. me. Just say You gonna do what your mammy wouldn't. First he put his thing up gainst my hip and sort of wiggleit around. Then he grab hold my titties. Then he push his thing inside my pussy. When that hurt, I cry. He start tochoke me, saying You better shut up and git used to it.But I don't never git used to it. And now I feels sick every time I be the one to cook. My mama she fuss at me anlook at me. She happy, cause he good to her now. But too sick to last long.My mama dead. She die screaming and cussing. She scream at me. She cuss at me. I'm big. I can't move fastenough. By time I git back from the well, the water be warm. By time I git the tray ready the food be cold. By time Igit all the children ready for school it be dinner time. He don't say nothing. He set there by the bed holding her hand ancryin, talking bout don't leave me, don't go.She ast me bout the first one Whose it is? I say God's. I don't know no other man or what else to say. When I startto hurt and then my stomach start moving and then that little baby come out my pussy chewing on it fist you couldhave knock me over with a feather.Don't nobody come see us.She got sicker an sicker.Finally she ast Where it is?I say God took it.He took it. He took it while I was sleeping. Kilt it out there in the woods. Kill this one too, if he can.He act like he can*t stand me no more. Say I'm evil an always up to no good. He took my other little baby, a boythis time. But I don't think he kilt it. I think he sold it to a man an his wife over Monticello. I got breasts full of milkrunning down myself.He say Why don't you look decent? Put on something. But what I'm sposed to put on? I don't have nothing.I keep hoping he fine somebody to marry. I see him looking at my little sister. She scared. But I say I'll take careof you. With God help.He come home with a girl from round Gray. She be my age but they married. He be on her all the time. She walkround like she don't know what hit her. I think she thought she love him. But he got so many of us. All needingsomethin.My little sister Nettie is got a boyfriend in the same shape almost as Pa. His wife died. She was kilt by herboyfriend coming home from church. He got only three children though. He seen Nettie in church and now everySunday evening here come Mr.???.I tell Nettie to keep at her books. It be more then a notion taking care of children ain't even yourn. And look whathappen to Ma.He beat me today cause he say I winked at a boy in church. I may have got somethin in my eye but I didn't wink.I don't even look at mens. That's the truth. I look at women, tho, cause I'm not scared of them. Maybe cause my mamacuss me you think I kept mad at her. But I ain't. I felt sorry for mama. Trying to believe bis story kilt her.Sometime he still be looking at Nettie, but I always git in his light. Now I tell her to marry Mr.??,? I don't tellher why.I say Marry him, Nettie, an try to have one good year out your life. After that, I know she be big.But me, never again. A girl at church say you git big if you bleed every month. I don't bleed no more.Mr.??? finally come right out an ast for Nettie hand in marriage. But He won't let her go. He say she too young,no experience.Say Mr.?:?? got too many children already. Plus What about the scandal his wife cause when somebody kill her?And what about all this stuff he hear bout Shug Avery? What bout that?I ast our new mammy bout Shug Avery, What it is? I ast. She don't know but she say she gon fine out.She do more then that. She git a picture. The first one of a real person I ever seen. She say Mr.??? was takingsomethin out his billfold to show Pa an it fell out an slid under the table. Shug Avery was a woman. The mostbeautiful woman I ever saw. She more pretty then my mama. She bout ten thousand times more prettier then me. I seeher there in furs. Her face rouge. Her hair like somethin tail. She grinning with her foot up on somebody motocar. Hereyes serious tho. Sad some.I ast her to give me the picture. An all night long I stare at it. An now when I dream, I dream of Shug Avery. Shebe dress to kill, whirling and laughing.I ast him to take me instead of Nettie while our new mammy sick. But he just ast me what I'm talking bout. I tellhim I can fix myself up for him. I duck into my room and come out wearing horsehair, feathers, and a pair of our newmammy high heel shoes.He beat me for dressing trampy but he do it to me anyway.Mr.??? come that evening. I'm in the bed crying. Nettie she finally see the light of day, clear. Our new mammyshe see it too.She in her room crying. Nettie tend to first one, then the other. She so scared she. go out doors and vomit. But notout front where the two mens is.Mr.??? say, Well Sir, I sure hope you done change your mind.He say, Naw, Can't say I is.Mr.??? say, Well, you know, my poor little ones sure could use a mother.Well, He say, real slow, I can't let you have Nettie. She too young. Don't know nothing but what you tell her.Sides, I want her to git some more schooling. Make a schoolteacher out of her. But I can let you have Celie. She theoldest anyway. She ought to marry first. She ain't fresh tho, but I spect you know that. She spoiled. Twice. But youdon't need a fresh woman no how. I got a fresh one in there myself and she sick all the time. He spit, over the railing.The children git on her nerve, she not much of a cook. And she big already.Mr.??? he don't say nothing. I stop crying I'm so surprise.She ugly. He say. But she ain't no stranger to hard work. And she clean. And God done fixed her. You can doeverything just like you want to and she ain't gonna make you feed it or clothe it.Mr.??? still don't say nothing. I take out the picture of Shug Avery. I look into her eyes. Her eyes say Yeah, itbeesthat way sometime.Fact is, he say, I got to git rid of her. She too old to be living here at home. And she a bad influence on my othergirls. She'd come with her own linen. She can take that cow she raise down there back of the crib. But Nettie you flatout can't have. Not now. Not never.Mr.??? finally speak. Clearing his throat. I ain't never really look at that one, he say.Well, next time you come you can look at her. She ugly. Don't even look like she kin to Nettie. But she'll makethe better wife.She ain't smart either, and I'll just be fair, you have to watch her or she'll give away everything you own. But shecan work like a man.Mr.??? say How old she is?He say, She near twenty. And another thing? She tell lies.It took him the whole spring, from March to June, to make up his mind to take me. All I thought about wasNettie. How she could come to me if I marry him and he be so love struck with her I could figure out a way for us torun away. Us both be hitting Nettie's school-books pretty hard, cause us know we got to be smart to git away. I knowI'm not as pretty or as smart as Nettie, but shesay I ain't dumb.The way you know who discover America, Nettie say, is think bout cucumbers. That what Columbus sound like. Ilearned all about Columbus in first grade, but look like he the first thing I forgot. She say Columbus come here inboats call the Neater, the Peter, and the Santomareater. Indians so nice to him he force a bunch of 'em back home withhim to wait on the queen.But it hard to think with gitting married to Mr.??? hanging over my head.The first time I got big Pa took me out of school. He never care that I love it. Nettie stood there at the gateholding tight to my hand. I was all dress for first day.You too dumb to keep going to school, Pa say. Nettie the clever one in this bunch.But Pa, Nettie say, crying, Celie smart too. Even Miss Beasley say so. Nettie dote on Miss Beasley. Think nobodylike her in the world.Pa say, Whoever listen to anything Addie Beasley have to say. She run off at the mouth so much no man wouldhave her. That how come she have to teach school. He never look up from cleaning his gun. Pretty soon a bunch ofwhite mens come walking cross the yard. They h'ave guns too.Pa git up and follow 'em. The rest of the week I vomit and dress wild game.But Nettie never give up. Next thing I know Miss Beasley at our house trying to talk to Pa. She say long as shebeen a teacher she never know nobody want to learn bad as Nettie and me. But when Pa call me out and she see howtight my dress is, she stop talking and go.Nettie still don't understand. I don't neither. All us notice is I'm all the time sick and fat.I feel bad sometime Nettie done pass me in learnin. But look like nothing she say can git in my brain and stay.She try to tell me something bout the ground not being flat. I just say, Yeah, tike I know it. I never tell her how flat itlook to me.Mr.??? come finally one day looking all drug out. The woman he had helping him done quit. His mammy donesaid No More.He say, Let me see her again.Pa call me. Celie, he say. Like it wasn't nothing. Mr. ___ want another look at you.I go stand in the door. The sun shine in my eyes. He's still up on his horse. He look me up and down.Pa rattle his newspaper. Move up, he won't bite, he say.I go closer to the steps, but not too cl... [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]